Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize