If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
