You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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