I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
