she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
