his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
