Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
