My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize