I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
