You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
