you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
