she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
