I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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