As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
