I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
