Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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