is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
