Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
