apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
