The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
