"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
