dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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