Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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