so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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