i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
