We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
