I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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