I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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