Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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