Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
