Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
