I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
