I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
