I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
