I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
