I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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