this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
