forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just want to make out with him forever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize