Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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