why didn't you poke me back
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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