He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
