Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
