dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently you make a good broom.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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