I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
