i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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