is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
