Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
