so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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