I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
