Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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