How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
