Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
