I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
