Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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