two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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