My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
