he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
