I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cut my penus on the lid.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
