I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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