Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
