Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
