Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Are we still banned from the library?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
