fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
