I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
