For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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