Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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