Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
