i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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