omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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