I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
