you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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