i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize