We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
