Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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